Sunday, 28 June 2009
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Currently
Coming To Terms
By Carolina Liar
Show Me What I'm Looking For
see relatedcap and gown: intro
It's hard to believe that only a year ago I was a fresh high-school graduate. The morning of my graduation I put on my gown thinking about how this thin, navy blue, silk garment wouldn't be enough to conceal my relief; that soon, I will be able throw the past four years deep into the abyss of my mind. It was heavy on my shoulders. It was as if all the drama, torment, and misery from the past years were woven in. Next came the cap. Irony loved me due to my academic achievements, so it decided to give my a golden sash. It was always in sight of my left eye, swaying towards it with every turn and every step I took. The cap was there to hold my thoughts- keep them from escaping. Forcing them to follow my gown to the ground. Forcing them to reflect on my past actions. The honor sash was draped around my neck. It was the icing on the cake, the salt into the wound. It was pinned in place to complete this burdening outfit. In screaming red, "Honors" was embroidered along the bottom left side of the sash. Every time I shifted my body, the "Honors" part would always fold into my body; ashamed and embarrassed. As simple and light this outfit was, it was a straight jacket on my thoughts. It was a terrorist. I was strapped to a vest that held explosive memories- being held ransom until the ceremony was over.
The ride to the ceremony was a blur, actually, the event itself was a blur. There was a lot of escorting, waiting, and tears. This was before we even walked out to our seats. The anticipation was killing me. It wasn't the excitement. I had written off high-school my junior year. Senior year and this diploma are just extra credit. I wanted this to be over before it began. There was little conversation, just the occasional congratulations and good luck. Everyone was too occupied with this being the end. I saw this as the beginning to a new chapter. Yes, you must end before start, but this closing wasn't nearly as dramatic as everyone else was making it. With all the down time, you start wrestling with certain thoughts. Looks like the cap and gown were doing its job.
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